Those Who Can't Abandon Anything, Can't Change Anything

The best things that have happened to me in the 18 months since I graduated college were meeting my current girlfriend, leaning fully into entrepreneurship, moving to Philly, and traveling. But I would have done none of that if the very best thing hadn’t happened: my ex-girlfriend breaking up with me.

Following the breakup, I needed to get back into the game. But there’s no game in Cape May. So I had to move to a city, like Philly. Moving to a city requires money, but I didn’t have a job. I was trying to hold out for a job in crypto, but this was late 2022. There wasn’t shit to be had. The only offer I had was from a newsletter that paid like shit and wouldn’t have progressed my career. So I dove fully into freelancing, which has made me more than 3x the one salary I was offered and is now enabling Raffle Leader.

When I got to Philly, I was still basically broke. The only place I could afford was an apartment shared with 5 dudes ranging from 30-55 on 48th Street. It was super cheap, but it honestly wasn’t bad at all. That is until someone new moved in in January and snored the loudest most hellish sound I’ve ever heard in my life. Couple that with the heat not working and I decided I had to get the hell out. So I went to Mexico solo, which ignited a love of travel I didn’t know I had.

When I got back, the snoring mf was still there, and it was still cold as balls, so I spent a lot of time outside the apartment. As I was walking around, I ran into a friend from college who told me that he was moving out of his apartment soon because of an internship. Two weeks later I was living with 3 dudes my age who are now some of my closest friends.

The new apartment did more than restore my ability to sleep. It gave me new confidence dating-wise. It wasn’t easy to get girls to come to 48th Street for an apartment with 5 geezers, and I don’t blame them. The new apartment was in a much better area and with much less alarming people. So I went on a date with a cute girl from Hinge for the first time in 2 months. Haven’t needed to go on another first date since.

None of that would have been possible if I stayed in the status quo with my ex-girlfriend. It was too comfortable. Too complacent. And I knew this, but it’s hard to let go of the familiar.

That’s the real reason why people never evolve. To do something new requires letting go of the old. Or, as Armen from Attack on Titan puts it, those who can’t abandon anything can’t change anything.

Most people can’t abandon anything, so they just don’t change. That’s why you should appreciate hardships that lead to loss. Somebody or something is making the decision for you. Embrace it and make the most of it.